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18. After reflection, I believe that is the pivotal age that began the shaping of who I am today. The difference between my habits now and the person I was then are like night and day. High school was, at the time, the highest point of my life... literally too. Now, I view it as my lowest. My life revolved around parties, fast food, alcohol and overall bad decisions. I remember waking up after nights of partying and checking my phone to do damage control over how badly I had embarrassed myself the night before. I had no love for myself, mentally or physically. Fast forward to my freshman year of college. I was attending the number one party school in the country. You think I’d be stoked right? Wrong, I was burnt out. The parties lost their appeal, the alcohol that I used to ease my social anxiety stopped tasting like water and quite frankly I was sick of limiting myself. I could feel the core of my being evolving but into what exactly- that I didn't have the answer to. 

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I made a decision the remove myself and transfer to my local community college to continue studying criminology. After one semester at my new school, I went to New York City for vacation over Christmas with my family. Two days into the vacation I contracted something that to this day I don’t know what it was. I became so sick that I had to quit my job, drop out of my college classes and essentially put my life on hold. I was in and out of the hospital for four months. I lost 15 pounds and was so weak that I had to have a chaperone whenever I showered because I was at risk for fainting. I cut off all my friends because I felt embarrassed and more importantly I didn't want sympathy. The doctors ran every test imaginable with no success in diagnosing what was wrong. They essentially sent me home and said there was nothing they could do. I was running out of hope, I made peace with the fact that I might not ever get better. I had so much free time that I started to research. Anything I could get my hands on about healing naturally I read and absorbed it into my mind. I came across the Paleo diet and the importance of gut health. Immediately I changed my diet, legit overnight. I did a weekly enema to flush my colon, took supplements everyday and did a parasite cleanse. I cut out all added sugar, gluten and processed foods. I strictly ate animal protein, vegetables, fruits, nuts and healthy fats for two months and guess what? I got better. Like 100% better. In two months of eating whole foods I reversed what the doctors couldn’t. THE POWER OF FOOD!!

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I continued with the Paleo diet for about 3 more months. Around this time Instagram started becoming more popular. Because I was not content internally, I fell victim to comparison. I nitpicked my appearance and developed body dysmorphia. I became obsessed with my body, most days working out for 2 hours. I bought a meal plan from a personal trainer that I followed off of Instagram. Eating 1200 calories a day from cheap, low quality animal protein, microwaved vegetables and zero calorie chemical ridden sauces got me to my "goal" weight. But, I still was unhappy. I secluded myself from my friends in fear of tempting foods and sugary alcohol. I filled my body with chemicals that wrecked havoc on my body. My digestion was off and I had little to no energy. After seeing a specialist I was diagnosed with IBS. I knew what I was doing was harming me but I was so obsessed with weight loss that I didn't care. I did this for months until one day I woke up and thought enough was enough. I stopped the restrictive meal plan and ate what I wanted. And overtime I gained all the weight I had lost back. I got upset and started the meal plan again. I went through this sort of yo-yo dieting for months. I was orthorexic. I binged ate. I did 2 week juice cleanses. You name it, I've done it. 

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I knew I needed a complete lifestyle shift not just a quick fix. After hearing about a plant based diet I decided to give it a try. Understatement of my life: it completely reshaped my health. My digestion is regular, my IBS symptoms vanished, my skin is clearer than ever. I lost stubborn fat and got down to my optimal weight. All of this came without restriction or counting of calories, just simple intuitive eating. It was at this point where the seed for studying nutrition was planted in my mind. At the time I was in school at my local community college, living at home with my parents and working as a cashier at a health food store. Physically, I felt great thanks to my new lifestyle but mentally I was void. My days were scripted, robotic and dull. I concluded I needed to remove myself from this setting that no longer served me. 

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My heart became set on Hawaii. So I worked and worked and worked and then worked some more. While my peers partied, I worked. I had a goal and was stopping at nothing to make it a reality. Come fall, I had sold almost all of my belongings and saved up enough to make the leap. Diving head first into a journey fueled by the desire of self exploration I packed my bags (2 ridiculously overstuffed suitcases) and left my sheltered suburban town in Columbus, Ohio to live among the hypnotic ocean in Hawaii. I'm not going to lie and say my first year in Hawaii was all rainbows and waterfalls because that was not that case. It was HARD. I grew more as a person that year than all my years previously combined. My car's transmission blew after having it for one whole month. With no car I walked and took the bus everywhere. Did I mention that I lived at the top of a ridge about 2 miles up? Glass half full- I was in great shape. My funds that I worked so hard to save were 90% gone. I worked multiple jobs- retail in a bikini boutique, full time at Whole Foods, made smoothies at a juice bar and did a work trade at nearby dive shop- filling scuba tanks in exchange for free diving. All of this money went towards my outrageously expensive rent. I hardly had any time to BE in Hawaii. My days were scripted, robotic and dull. Can you say deja vu?

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Desperate to make it work, I moved to a cheaper place and thank you universe, found a better paying job at a 4 star hotel and was able to start saving money. With my new job and not being back in school yet came a lot more free time. With this I spent my days exploring and my nights studying. I scoured the internet and books reading any and everything about holistic health and healing. The further i dove into studying, the more I realized how toxic our bodies truly are- from diet and environmental factors. When I found out that big corporations in the health and food industry are poisoning us for profit, I was determined to not be a test subject anymore. I felt lied to because everything that had been ingrained in my mind since being a small child I had come to realize was a marketing tactic or a result of greed. I realized it wasn't a question of if  I was going to get horribly sick but a question of when. I knew I needed to be as close to nature and the basics as possible to fix this. To do so I needed to start with a clean slate- which led me to a complete lifestyle detox. The goal: get rid of those years of build up toxins from eating processed foods, drinking tap water, environmental toxins, using hormone disrupting beauty products... the list goes on. I went off the synthetic birth control that I was on for 8 years. I shopped locally at farmers markets. I made all the necessary changes in order to heal. It was also at this point that I finally got to experience Oahu for the magical place it truly is. I fell in love with the temptress ocean and the winding mountains. I never wore shoes or brushed my hair and I tracked sand with me everywhere I went. I met inspiring people from all over the world. Life was pure bliss. Something within me clicked. This is where I needed to be. 4,500 miles away from "home" yet I never felt more at home. I felt like everything was starting to align for me.

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Fast forward to a full year of living on the island, I was approved for in-state tuition and I eagerly enrolled at the University of Hawaii at Manoa as a dietetics major. All I wanted to do was help people and I was so ready to take the next step in that journey. My excited, doe eyed outlook was short lived. My nutrition classes consisted monotone lectures on highly questionable material. My professor telling the class how microwaves are safe and that store bought milk is essential in a healthy diet really struck a nerve in me. I remember shaking my head as my teacher talked and fighting the urge to raise my hand in objection. This is what i'm spending my money and time on? I felt my alignment with my career path shift and I defeatedly dropped out after the semester. To do what? I had no idea but I knew it wasn't that. I was so fulfilled in all aspects of my life except my career, my purpose.  I searched for what I was missing for months with no avail. Defeat struck me again and with the constant pressure of my parents and society I re-enrolled in school. I promised myself I would really try to make it work. I started shadowing the islands top naturopathic doctor. I would go straight from class to his office to learn the inner workings of his fundamentals. I was also a board member on my schools nutrition club. Both of these things are what kept me sane during this time. In class I would be on my computer reading the latest nutrition studies or thinking of recipes instead of listening to lecture. Half way through the semester I was burnt out again and not convinced on the curriculum. I did not resonate with what I was learning. I was just dragging myself to class at this point. 3 weeks before the end of the semester I received a call from my mom that flipped my world upside down. My father had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, Aplastic Anemia. And just like that my time in Hawaii was over. Family is the number one thing to me so no matter how much Hawaii felt like home, I knew I had to leave. I finished the remaining weeks of the semester and ended up moving home shortly after to be with family. 

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Upon leaving the island I was hit with a wave of uncertainty and fear. I found myself questioning my decisions and my beliefs. Stress and complication clouded every aspect of my being. At all times. I never felt still. I even experienced panic attacks for the first time. My fathers illness played an immense role in this but so did my fear for the future. "If I had stayed in school straight through I could be finished by now just like everyone else" was an underlying thought that raced through my head constantly. My connection to myself and the universe was severed and I suffered. I was back at square one- living with my parents, in college: scripted, robotic and dull. I would find myself longing for a fulfilling life. I manifested it so hard. But manifestation is belief AND action. You can't have one without the other. To get the life I so desired I had to stop the pity party and go after it. I immersed my self into yoga, meditation, self help books and deep introspection. And this was my catalyst. One day I had that "ah ha" moment. It was at this point that I wholeheartedly understood in my core that there is more to life than conforming to societal guidelines and listening to negative self doubts. I had to let go of all I knew to be true. My ego, built up emotions, my preconditioned diet, my actions that were based of off societal guidelines- all had to be released in order for me to connect to who I am unapologetically.  I shifted my perspective and behavior toward living simply. I started small, practicing gratitude, mediating every morning. Then I worked my way up. I donated a majority of my stuff and sold my materialistic objects. I reframed my thought patterns to let go of my ego, materialism, self doubt. Now with every fiber of my being, from what I eat to what I think has the underlining principle of simplicity.

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Keep it simple but significant.

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Learning to be present in the now will dramatically shift what you deem important. The norm is to be a student of a university, but instead, I will be a student of my inner workings.  School was doing nothing for me other than steering me away from my true purpose so why did I continue to go? Societal pressure? Judgement? Who determined the basis for success? It looks different for everyone but shouldn't it ultimately be happiness not status? Every day I sat in that class room suppressing my abilities and dreams, I resented myself a little more. I dropped out of school again (third times a charm). Liberation, clarity, relief flooded over me. I am not here preaching that you drop out of college, go vegan, etc. I am preaching that you follow what drives you. What you cant stop thinking about but don't act on, do that.  

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Eating an abundance of fruits and vegetables skyrocketed my physical health. However, it wasn't until I eliminated environmental toxins, reframed my mental health, released my preconceived beliefs and lived with simplicity that I truly started to be one with myself. I am in control and it feels SO freeing.

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I find fulfillment in coaching those whose are ready to make the change I did. I specialize in non-toxic living, holistic detoxification and self love practices. Together we work to simplify and detoxify their mind and body.

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I travel the world freely and enjoy life on my own schedule. Recently I got back from an extended stay in South America. Some unexpected travel hiccups and I ended up on a tiny island off the coast of Nicaragua solo. And it changed my life. I am so eager to see more of this enchanting world.

 

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The universe ripped the ground from beneath my feet so I could find my true purpose. I truly believe I would still be lost in the shuffle of school if I had not moved back to Ohio and found myself internally, like I would still be unhealthy had I not had a health scare. The universe has a path for you, you just have to trust the process. It has taken me years to get to the point that I am at. YEARS. But it didn't have to. That's why I am sharing my story. I am here to help.

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